Tag Archives: parents

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How to become the Parent you want to be:

How to become the Parent you want to be:

There are seven rules to follow to become the parent you want to be:

1. Decide you want to be a BETTER Parent to your children. It ALL begins with a thought!

2. Create boundaries – Your children should understand what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

3. Demand (strong word I know) Respect from your children! You are not your children’s friend, you are the parent. You MUST act like the parent.

4. Make TIME for your children. In order to do this parenting thing effectively, you are going to have to make a decision to be present for/with your children. Live in the MOMENT!

5. Decide in your mind that your Children Come FIRST! Make your Children your # 1 Priority!

6. Listen – Your children have a lot to say!

7. No Judgment – No matter what you hear, do not judge! Share your Wisdom, but allow space to hear the TRUTH!

Happy Parenting
Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach

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NEWS FLASH: Teenagers, your parents do understand!!!!!

NEWS FLASH: Teenagers, your parents do understand!!!!!

Dear Teenagers:

I know you think your parents were born the way they are now!! However, I am here to tell you that we weren’t!

Your parents at one point were babies, then elementary school children, middle school children and the one that you will not believe, your parents were TEENAGERS! Seriously, your parents were your age once.

You have the power within you to tell your parents the Truth! Speak the truth to your parents even if your voice shakes. Stand in your truth.

Right now you are thinking:
Are you crazy?
My parents will never understand!!!
My parents will kill me!

Here is the thing, your parents do understand, as they themselves were teenagers, they are just in denial because they remember the things they did (I say this with no judgment).
Your parents are not going to kill you, you are by far one of their BIGGEST Investments and they need to make sure you are around to pay them back!

Make it a goal this week, tell your parents the truth, and you will see, they will understand!

Happy Truth Telling,

Coach Arthur

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I could not believe my ears!

I could believe my ears!

I could hardly believe my ears. I was standing in line at the CVS waiting to take my passport picture when I heard a man utter words that made me physically open my mouth wide. He was talking to a little girl who appeared to be a second to third grader (7 – 9 years old) .

It seemed he left her waiting in the line and for someone reason she got out of the line or allowed others to get in front of her. When he came back he gave her a tongue lashing that was hurtful. He was loud, he was mean, he was harsh, and he was condescending. The more he screamed insults, the smaller she physically became. I felt so bad for her. I wanted to tell him to stop, I wanted to tell her that he was hurting her and the pain was visible, but instead, I did what everyone else did. I stayed quite.

I get it! I am a Mom. Nie is 21 and Cat is 18. During those 22 years I have encountered a lot of challenging situations. I have been really upset, I have been disappointed, I have been heart broken, however, I have done my BEST not to break NieCat’s Spirit. You see, our words have an impact on our children.

The question are:

What type of impact do you want your words to have on your children?

Do you want to build them up?

Do you want to deem their life light?

As a parental coach, one of the main goals that I assist parents with is to think before they respond to an action or words their children say. Take a minute, feel the feeling your child generate within you, feel the words in your mind, but don’t verbalize them. Take a moment, then, speak!

Think before you speak!

Before you say anything in anger, ask yourself, how would you feel if someone else said those same words to you. How would you feel? How would you feel if your child’s teacher said those words to your child?

Think of your childhood! Then, behave accordingly!

Happy Parenting,

Coach Arthur

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The Four Agreements for Parents

The Four Agreements for Parents

The agreements you are about to read were taken from the book: “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

There are Four Agreements that parents should follow when it comes to parenting:
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word.
2. Don’t take anything personal.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions.
4. Always do Your Best.

Be Impeccable with Your word:
I have addressed this issue before in other posts. Children really learn and do what we do, seldom they learn what we say. Being impeccable with your word teaches children to do the same. As parents we must follow through on what we say to our children. If you plan to go some where don’t tell your children until you are 100% sure you can go. If you give your child a consequence you MUST follow the consequence through. That is what teaches your children you mean business. Being impeccable with your word is what teaches children to be impeccable with their word.

Don’t take anything personally:
As a school administrator I have to tell parents this one all the time. When your child does something wrong, something that perhaps brings embarrassment to your family name, please get over yourself. Yes, I get it! I have been there and done that. However, the truth of the matter is that because your child stole candy from the store does not mean that you are a thief, or that your child sees you stealing (ideally your child should NEVER see you doing anything illegal).
Here is an example: I have made my bed everyday for the last 23 years ( that’s how long I have been a Mom). NieCat are aware of my bed making passion. As they were growing up, I always told them to make up their beds. Now at 22 and 18 they NEVER make up their bed. At first I considered myself a failure for not teaching them correctly, however, now following the Four Agreements, I don’t take it personally. Our children are their on persons, they came here to learn their own individual lessons and sometimes those lessons are independent of us.

Don’t Make Assumptions:
You children consider you their Hero. Don’t assume that because you have to give them consequences/punishments they will not like you or think less of you. Don’t assume that because your neighbors children look nice from the outside that they don’t have issues. Stop assuming your parenting skills are not adequate. Stop assuming period! When you assume you make the assumption about you and you MUST remember agreement #1, don’t take things personally.

Always Do Your Best
You can only do what you can do. You are doing the BEST parenting possible with the tools that you have. You are right where you need to be. There is a Higher Forth in your life directing your steps and finally, if you need direction, if you need someone to encourage you, support you and help you to establish parenting goals seek someone like me (shameless plug), seek a Parenting Life Coach. Everyone needs help once in awhile is okay to ask for it.

Think about these Four Agreements as you do your parenting from moment to moment and you will be on your way to parenting success!

Happy Parenting,
Coach Arthur

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Parents have more POWER than they realize!

Parents have more POWER than they realize!

In addition to being a Life Coach I am also a school administrator, I have worked in the education system for 24 years now. For the last 15 years I have worked, well, really played  (I LOVE My Job) as a school administrator and I have heard a lot, however, there are things that still make me shake my head!

Example:
Having a beautiful girl tell me that her dad tells her she is a drama queen as she cries to him and tells him her sister is harassing/bullying at home broke my heart this week!

My partner in crime and I had to go into damage control attempting to make this dad’s statement less lethal to his daughter as she cried her little eyes out in my office. My partner in crime in her infinite wisdom told her, hey, don’t worry about it, guys are dumb! They don’t know what they are talking about! She then turns and ask me, isn’t that right? Me being the silly adult that I am had to stop myself from cracking up. Believe it or not, this lighten up the mood, The little girl  laughed and for a minute the tears were gone, however, the hurt was real.

As a school administrator there are things I just can’t say to parents, though sometimes I tell them more than I should, I actually have life coaching sessions with some of my parents FREE of charge, however, some issues are just so out of reach.Why doesn’t a Dad know that dismissing his little girl’s feelings are causing her damage? Does he realize the POWER of his words? We are going to assume that he cares and he wants to do BETTER! We are going to assume that if he could do BETTER he would do BETTER!

Parents, your words are SUPER Powerful! None of us should use our words in a negative manner towards our children or any children for that matter.

Is that possible?
Yes, it is!
All you have to do is think before you speak! When you are angry, don’t say anything! And if by chance you do say something to your child that would dim their GOD Light, just apologize and let them know that you won’t do it again!’

Please try hard not to use negative words towards your children!

Forty-Days of a Peace Youth Symposium

peace-on-earth-islamOn Saturday, My Sorority (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc.) had the Honor of hosting the 40 days of Peace Youth Symposium. We had over 300 individuals attend and many of them were young people.

We had a panel of experts speak to the young people. We had a pastor/professor/major of a city in Miami,  a Chief of Police for a local community college, a community college professor, a mother who after her child was murdered started  RJT Foundation, Inc.
“Women Supporting Families of Murdered Children” (please check out her website: www.rjtfoundation.com), and a pastor.

I listened as intently as I could possibly listen under the stress of thinking that I myself had to go up on stage at the end and also speak. One thing that I heard said time and time again is what I want to share here. I am sharing it because I heard this message over and over again, last week in different venues so I know I MUST share.

The main idea I heard at this symposium for our young people was,that  our thoughts create our experiences. There was one young lady who  asked how can she who lives in the inner city, who is confronted with violence at every turn, how can she have peace? How can she not retaliate when that is the world she lives in? The answer was the same. Just because you are surrounded by violence, doesn’t mean you have to be part of the violence.

I read this in a blog last week, well, this is my interpretation:

thoughts + feelings = manifestation.

I will ask parents to try this exercise for the next 40 days and reply to this blog to tell me how it worked out for you.  Consider this a Life Coaching FREE session: Reflect upon an area in your parental life you will like to change (ie: screaming excessively). Decide to think differently about screaming. Feel the feeling you will have when you are no longer in need to scream at your children. What does you not screaming look like to you? How does it feel like? What do you hear?

I can’t wait to hear from each and everyone of you that read this blog.

By the way, I decided that for the next 40 days I will not loose my Peace when it comes to my children! I am not going to get upset when they are listening to POP That Pandora and sing it, I have no clue on what they are saying and  that drives me NUTS! This is day two, so far so good!

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It is a cliche but it is true!

It is a cliche but it is true!

Parents, your children learn what they see you do, and what they hear you say to others, not what you tell them to do or to say!
When I have parent conferences I am often amazed how parents are shocked that their children lie! First, they tell me, my son/daughter NEVER lie!m After I reveal my investigation and my witnesses they come to the realization, that their child has lied. Often, they cry, don’t understand how it happened and sometimes, they just think I am the evil one and I have orchestrated this plot to get their child in trouble, because of course I don’t like their child and I have it in for them! This one happens more than I care to discuss.
Here is the thing parents, your children are looking at you very carefully!!! I just can stress this enough! They are watching you, they are listening to you, they are hanging on to your every ACTION. If you are lying to Auntie Ursula about why you didn’t call her, if you are lying to the bill collector about the payment being in the mail, if you are lying to the cashier that you don’t have enough money, if you are lying to the homeless person asking you for money on your way to the mall, guess what? Your baby girl/baby boy is internalizing ALL of that!
Stop lying in front of your children! Period!

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Parents as Role Models

Parents as Role Models

Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
It’s one of a parent’s greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
– John Wooden

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Children MUST have Responsibilities at home!

Children MUST have Responsibilities at home!

Parents: This is how we create productive adults!