Tag Archives: children

Teenage Survival 101

Teen-Brain-jpg

Being a Mother and an Educator has taught me a very valuable lesson. Well, I have learned many lessons, but I am just going to share one today. In order to develop a strong relationship with your teen you MUST be a parent of your word.

From the moment my girls were little I only told them our plans when I was 100% sure we were going to do it.  If I said they were on punishment, the punishment was carried out. I always kept my word, one situation at a time.  This allowed them to become teens that knew that when MOM said it, she meant it. It is important that parents keep their word as we must teach by example. This is what is going to create TRUST. Trust, a big word needed in order to foster a positive relationship between parent and teen.

Need assistance creating TRUST between your teen and you?  Email me for a FREE 20 minute Life Coaching session: niecatlifecoach@yahoo.com

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com
www.niecat.com
www.facebook.com/niecatlifecoaching
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/carlota-arthur/56/425/813

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What are you saying?

What are you saying?

What are you saying to your children?
What type of words are you using when you are speaking to them?

My Dearest Father taught me many lessons in life. there are two very important lessons which helped me parent effectively. The first lesson he taught me was how to speak to my children. I lived with my Dad and my Step-Mother from the time I was 12 years old until the time I left to college at 18. In ALL those years living in Brooklyn, New York I NEVER, EVER heard my Dad say a bad word, NEVER! No matter how angry he was (I really don’t remember My Dad being angry to be honest with you), he never cursed, and he definitely never used bad words when speaking to my step-brother, step-sisters or myself never.

The second lesson I learned from my Dad is NEVER to speak negatively to my children’s dreams. No matter what I told him he never put the idea down and he never criticized the idea. He did have a lot of wisdom and shared the pros and the cons about my ideas, but ultimately I made the decisions.

When we speak to our children, there is no need to use bad words, there is no need to put our children down.

Be kind to your children, remember, The manner in which you are speaking to your children is teaching them a couple of things, they are learning from you how to treat others, how to speak to others, and how worthy they are but most importantly, they are learning from you how to be parents one day!

Happy Parenting,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Listen to your child speak.

Listen to your child speak.

Being a school administrator gives me a GREAT opportunity to listen to what happens in others’ households.

I am tickled pink to hear children tell exactly what happens at home as I notice the discomfort of parents as they know that what they are hearing is inappropriate but TRUE!

Parents, if you think that what you are doing, saying or the way you are acting in front of your children would make you feel embarrassed if others hear you, or are told the story by your children, then, please, consider not doing it, saying it or acting in that manner.

Your children are learning from you!

Gone are the days that you can say to your child:
“Do as I say and not as I do!”
That command worked on us, but it will not work on our children!

You are your child’s first role model!

Working at being an example,
Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Don’t let it be too late!

Don't let it be too late!

We sometimes seem to put our LOVE Ones last on our Priority list, specially Our Children! We do not me to do so, it just happens and time just passes!”

It seems like it was just yesterday that I gave birth in 1994 and just a couple of years ago that it was 1990. Nie will be 23 years old next month and Cat will be 19 years old in December.
Where did the time go?

It is GREAT to hear them reminisce about their experiences growing up. Sometimes I am shocked of their perception of their childhood. What I enjoy most is their accounts of times that we had fun, or that made them laugh!

Here is what I learned from my experience of raising NieCat. Children will tell their growing up story through their eyes. In order to make sure your children’s growing up story is one that you enjoy hearing:
1. Put them first!
2. keep your word!
3. Make a sacrifice, give them your time and your talents because at the end of the day, your children are your legacy.

If you need assistance on how to make time for your children, contact me for a FREE 20 minute Parent Life Coaching session, niecatlifecoach@yahoo.com.

Happy Parenting,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Your Teenager Is Here to Teach You Lessons in Life: Lesson # 4

Your Teenager Is Here to Teach You Lessons in Life: Lesson # 4

Teens live in a state of Drama!

The first blog I wrote I named it “Adults forgetting their teenage years.” I want to refer to this article as we explore the 4th lesson our Teens teach us. Often time we become successful adults and totally forget what we said, did, listened and experience when we were 13 – 19. Please think of those days as you read this lesson.

Many times our Teens come to us to tell us their saga, the first responses we murmur sound something like this: “that is nothing!” “don’t worry about it,” “that is nothing to worry about,” “leave those friends alone.” “you are better than him/her, forget them,” These and other responses we give our Teens really discourage them.

If you remember correctly part of being a Teen is feeling things intensely, in other words what you may seem like no big deal to you is hugely important to your Teen. If you continue disregarding their feelings, they will stop talking to you and that is the one thing you DO NOT want!

I often tell parents who I coach to remember that they MUST listen to their Teens challenges intensely. Remember that they are feeling their feelings, they are honoring their feelings and you MUST do the same. You should feel Blessed that your Teen is sharing with you, please do not destroy this trust!
How would you feel if you called your best friend to say you were loosing your home to foreclosure and your friend dismissed you and told you not to worry, then, your friend proceeds to tell you that your issue is silly and it will go away! How would that make you feel?

When your Teen comes to you with their challenges/problems/drama here are some suggestions:
1.Listen
2. Do not give advice.
3. Do not put their friends down.
4. Do not dismiss or minimize their problem!
5. Listen
6 Sympathize
7. Look at the situation as you were a teenager.

If you need guidance in traveling the teenage world, don’t hesitate to email me, niecatlifecoaching@yahoo.com for a FREE 30 minute Parent Life Coaching session.

Happy Navigating the teen world,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Our Children need Our Time!

Our Children need Our Time!

We are all busy, and our jobs take us away from our families more than we care to share. We MUST make the decision to make our Children Our Priority when it comes to our time.

It is a challenge being a school administrator, a life coach and a Mom/Abuelita (GrandMom). Sometimes when I get home ALL I want to do is lay down and take a nap, however, I know that 1990 and 1994 seem like it was just yesterday and my girls are young women now. This all happened very quickly, but I am grateful that I h ad the Wisdom to make times for My Girls.

We MUST find time to spend with Our Children, what I do? Well, Honestly, it was not my idea, it just so happened this suggestion comes from the fact that My Girls ALWAYS followed me around when I got home. The Girls use to and still do lay in my bed as I am resting. We are talking, and sharing and I am resting! The BEST of both worlds.

Choose to find a way to spend time with Your Children regardless of what your day looks like.
Suggestion:
1. Have a game night.
2. Have a conversation hour while you cook, rest, use the bathroom (this happens to me ALL the time), or do your house chores.
3. Use driving time as sharing time.

The idea is to make your children KNOW that you really care and you will find time for Them!

Happy time sharing,
Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Your Teenager Is Here to Teach You Lessons in Life: Lesson # 1

Your Teenager Is Here to Teach You Lessons in Life

For those of us who have experienced teen years and have survived, we must be honest and say that having a teenagers is no walk in the park. As a matter of fact, Dr. Stuart Goldman, director of psychiatric education at Children’s Hospital in Boston says, “Adolescence is a time of rapid change for kids both physically and cognitively,” he explains. “It’s the task of the teenager to fire their parents and then re-hire them years later, but as consultants rather than managers.”

All Teenage parents MUST come to terms with the fact that your relationship with your teen will not be the same as it was pre-teen years. All of a sudden, you as a parent will know nothing, your word will mean nothing and friends will come to be the BEST advisors in the world. One of your teenager’s job is to have conflict with you! With that being said there are a couple of rules that MUST be put in place to navigate this time that has the ingredients of potentially becoming a challenging time.

Remember the time when your child wanted you to come along on the field trips and the class parties? Well, as teens, those times will be no more. Internally, your teen knows they need you however, they can’t seem to understand what they are feeling.
That is when you have to be the BIGGER person, and show LOVE!
Be there for your Teen.
Whenever they are ready to talk, you have to be there.
You can’t act as they do or this will make matters worse.
This type of behavior will begin getting better by 16 or 17.
You MuST be patient, and supportive!
Your teen will come to you when ready, and your job is to be there with open arms.
Whenever your teen wants to talk, you must be there with no-judgment! Challenging, but doable!

Having a teen that is mean or says bad words to you or tells you she/he hates you is another ball of wax!
Other professionals will tell you to handle this with tolerance, however, I take another approach!
You are the PARENT!
You are the ruler of your house!
You MUST be very stern in handling this behavior!
It MUST be understood that this is not acceptable in your home!!!!!
Your child can’t curse at you!
Your Child can’t scream at you!
This is unacceptable behavior and MUST be stopped!
Saying bad words in front of you is something that you can’t tolerate!
RESPECT MUST be evident at ALL times!
This means that you also have to respect your Teen!

If you need guidance in traveling the teenage world, don’t hesitate to email me, niecatlifecoaching@yahoo.com for a FREE 30 minute Parent Life Coaching session.

Happy Navigating the teen world,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com