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Tag Archives: fatherhoodImage Image
In this TV show, Coach Arthur introduces herself, shares the meaning of Life Coaching and conducts a true life coaching session
Certified Professional Life Coach
Don’t cut your child’s wings because of your dreams and aspirations. Your dreams are yours. Their dreams are theirs! As parents we are here to Guide, Cultivate & Support their dreams!
The Late Rev. Dr. Mary A. Tumpkin taught me many things during the 20 years that she was my Spiritual Teacher. One of the lessons that I received, and understood without much studying was: My two girls, Nie and Cat came from me but they are not mine. GOD sent them here for a reason; GOD put within them EVERYTHING they needed in order to fulfill their Destiny. GOD has a plan for them and I have no right to tell them who they should become.
I guided them into activities and they selected the activities which made their Hearts soar. Nie is an actress by birth. Is in her blood, and though a lot of people would disagree with their child following an acting career, my thought was, that is what makes her happy.
Cat is a speaker, a writer, a spinner. She might be a lawyer, she might be a writer, she might be a journalist, she might be an activist, she might even be a Politian. These are things I see in her, but never will I influence her (only guide) on who she will be in life.
Parents, it is not our job to divert our children’s dreams. Our job is to guide them, to show them their options, and ultimately, only our children can make that the decision.
Parenting with Wisdom,
Certified Professional Life Coach
Teens live in a state of Drama!
The first blog I wrote I named it “Adults forgetting their teenage years.” I want to refer to this article as we explore the 4th lesson our Teens teach us. Often time we become successful adults and totally forget what we said, did, listened and experience when we were 13 – 19. Please think of those days as you read this lesson.
Many times our Teens come to us to tell us their saga, the first responses we murmur sound something like this: “that is nothing!” “don’t worry about it,” “that is nothing to worry about,” “leave those friends alone.” “you are better than him/her, forget them,” These and other responses we give our Teens really discourage them.
If you remember correctly part of being a Teen is feeling things intensely, in other words what you may seem like no big deal to you is hugely important to your Teen. If you continue disregarding their feelings, they will stop talking to you and that is the one thing you DO NOT want!
I often tell parents who I coach to remember that they MUST listen to their Teens challenges intensely. Remember that they are feeling their feelings, they are honoring their feelings and you MUST do the same. You should feel Blessed that your Teen is sharing with you, please do not destroy this trust!
How would you feel if you called your best friend to say you were loosing your home to foreclosure and your friend dismissed you and told you not to worry, then, your friend proceeds to tell you that your issue is silly and it will go away! How would that make you feel?
When your Teen comes to you with their challenges/problems/drama here are some suggestions:
2. Do not give advice.
3. Do not put their friends down.
4. Do not dismiss or minimize their problem!
7. Look at the situation as you were a teenager.
If you need guidance in traveling the teenage world, don’t hesitate to email me, firstname.lastname@example.org for a FREE 30 minute Parent Life Coaching session.
Happy Navigating the teen world,
Certified Professional Life Coach
I read a very interesting article in “One Tough Job.org” which shared guidelines on having a GREAT relationship with your teenager. I found the article very interesting and the strategies are ones that I have actually used during my parent life coaching sessions, so I wanted to share it with my readers.
Out of the gate, I must say that raising teens is an adventure that is manageable if you arm yourself with the proper tools.
It might look like your teen is not interested in what you are doing and specially what you are saying, but the TRUTH of the matter is that our teens need us now more than ever. Yes, they are busy and at this time in their lives their friends mean a lot to them, but remember, you are the parent, you have been there from the beginning of their time. Choosing to spend time with your teen and LISTENING without JUDGMENT is paramount. I don’t know how you feel about what you just read, you may need to take a deep breath because LISTENING & NON JUDGMENT is the key to a POSITIVE relationship with your teen.
There are 4 suggestions the article features to have a more positive relationship with your teen: Be actively interested in your teen’s life, Talk with your teen, not at them, Share things with your teen and Schedule in family time.
Be actively interested in your teen’s life – I heard a strategy that Our First Lady Michelle Obama uses with her girls and I immediately began using this strategy with mine girls. On the ride back from school I asked two questions, Share a rose with me from today’s experience and share a thorn with me from today’s experience. I found that when Cat got in the car, she was ready to share. In about 5 minutes I was able to gauge the type of day she had and she was happy to share. Become the Mom to their group. I was a Drama Mom, a Color Guard Mom, a Super Star Mom, whatever the girls were involved in, there I was in the mix of things. Some of their friends actually called me a cool Mom. I was the Mom giving rides to their friends whose parents were to busy to pick them up from whatever activities they were having. Needless to say NieCat were physically not happy about this, but I knew in their Hearts they appreciated me being there! Well, at least that is how I am telling the story! 🙂
Talk with your teen, not at them – I go back to one of my first blog post ever. Please remember what it was like being a teen! Stop preaching! When ALL you do is preach, your teen will tune you out. Have a discussion! LISTEN! Listen to what your teen says and actually give it some thought! Listen!
Share things with your teen – Share your past experiences. Let your teen know you were a teen once. My Girls use to LOVE to hear that I got in trouble with GrandPaPa! That would be the highlight of our conversations. Share what is going on right now with them. Explain to them why at this time you may not be able to pay for that $500 ring. Tell the TRUTH. They can handle it, and they will know you are Human! Sometimes our teens think we are not from this world!
Schedule in family time – The time you are experiencing now with your teen will NEVER come back! Choose to make time for your teens. Sometimes when I come home from a crazy day as a school administrator I have nothing else to give the world, so I invite the girls to my room (actually they just follow me to my room) and we all lay in my bed and talk. I am resting my body and my brain, I am listening to my Girls and that is considered family time! Visit them in their room, at your own Risk that is! Don’t criticize how junky and smelly their room is (I must work on this one), just be, see where the conversation leads you!
Our teens are enjoying a very challenging stage, as parents we MUST choose to do parenting differently to achieve teen parenting success!
Happy Teen Parenting,
Coach Arthur, Cerfified Professional Life Coach
One of the most difficult and rewarding jobs we can have during our earth existence is being a parent. That being said, there are no manuals for this GREAT Task.
I submit to you that if we begin parenting with the thought that parenting begins and ends in our minds, we will accomplish more successful encounters with our children.
If you give Power to following thoughts: I am a good parent, I am patient with my children, I am understanding of the life my children lead when they are in school, I am firm but LOVING to my children, I discipline my Children with respect, I LOVE my children. I know these qualities will take over your life once you allow them into your mind.
Think about it, what if you woke up tomorrow with the above thoughts, plus the thought of having a GREAT weekend with your children in-spite of whatever happened tonight!?
It all begins and ends in Your mind. What you give Power to, has Power over You, if you allow it!
Parent/Teen Life Coach
The agreements you are about to read were taken from the book: “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.
There are Four Agreements that parents should follow when it comes to parenting:
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word.
2. Don’t take anything personal.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions.
4. Always do Your Best.
Be Impeccable with Your word:
I have addressed this issue before in other posts. Children really learn and do what we do, seldom they learn what we say. Being impeccable with your word teaches children to do the same. As parents we must follow through on what we say to our children. If you plan to go some where don’t tell your children until you are 100% sure you can go. If you give your child a consequence you MUST follow the consequence through. That is what teaches your children you mean business. Being impeccable with your word is what teaches children to be impeccable with their word.
Don’t take anything personally:
As a school administrator I have to tell parents this one all the time. When your child does something wrong, something that perhaps brings embarrassment to your family name, please get over yourself. Yes, I get it! I have been there and done that. However, the truth of the matter is that because your child stole candy from the store does not mean that you are a thief, or that your child sees you stealing (ideally your child should NEVER see you doing anything illegal).
Here is an example: I have made my bed everyday for the last 23 years ( that’s how long I have been a Mom). NieCat are aware of my bed making passion. As they were growing up, I always told them to make up their beds. Now at 22 and 18 they NEVER make up their bed. At first I considered myself a failure for not teaching them correctly, however, now following the Four Agreements, I don’t take it personally. Our children are their on persons, they came here to learn their own individual lessons and sometimes those lessons are independent of us.
Don’t Make Assumptions:
You children consider you their Hero. Don’t assume that because you have to give them consequences/punishments they will not like you or think less of you. Don’t assume that because your neighbors children look nice from the outside that they don’t have issues. Stop assuming your parenting skills are not adequate. Stop assuming period! When you assume you make the assumption about you and you MUST remember agreement #1, don’t take things personally.
Always Do Your Best
You can only do what you can do. You are doing the BEST parenting possible with the tools that you have. You are right where you need to be. There is a Higher Forth in your life directing your steps and finally, if you need direction, if you need someone to encourage you, support you and help you to establish parenting goals seek someone like me (shameless plug), seek a Parenting Life Coach. Everyone needs help once in awhile is okay to ask for it.
Think about these Four Agreements as you do your parenting from moment to moment and you will be on your way to parenting success!
We as Parents are so involved in our lives that sometimes we loose our perspective. We feel that just because a situation is going a certain way with our children there is no solution, and that is not the case.
There are times that as parents we have to rely on someone on their outside to assist us in seeing things right! Keep in mind that Our minds, and thoughts determine our experiences!
Believe it or Not!
Consider this situation! By the way, I just made up these names as well as the situation itself, though I am quite sure you can see yourself or someone else in this story!
Tina is a single mother with a lot of family support, she has a son named Jaimito who she LOVES very much, however, she finds herself screaming at him ALL the time. After all, that is the type of environment she grew up in!
Tina solicits the assistance of a Life Coach in order to make lasting changes in her life, world and affairs. Here is the summary of her first session: The first thing Tina needs to do is declare what is her objective, her goal. According to Tina, she wants to stop yelling at Jaimito ALL the time. What Tina needs to do now with the support of her Life Coach, is to change her mind about the situation she finds herself in. Her Life Coach will assists her by asking her questions, these questions are geared to assist Tina in understanding why she yells. By listening to the answers to the Life Coach questions, Tina will be able to come to the realization of why she yells. The line of questioning will also allow the Life Coach to come up with a strategy (vision statement) to allow Tina to change her mind set by influencing her conscious and subconscious mind of the need to change her behavior. Tina goes home with a total mind shift and is this mind shift/change, that allows Tina to see things differently. Now when Jaimito does the same actions which triggered Tina to scream, Tina does not have the need to scream! She has changed her mind about her situation, therefore, her situation has changed!
Tina decided to hire a Life Coach as a strategy in order to stay focus on her goal, knowing that her Life Coach will always be there to empower, motivate, support her and hold her accountable for her actions towards her goal.
In continuing sessions Tina will solidify what she learned in her first session.
NieCat for a BETTER You – Mission Statement:
NieCat empowers parents, teens and clients alike to live a BETTER life by supporting, empowering, and motivating them to identify goals and develop plans to continue on their path towards self-improvement and self acceptance.