I could hardly believe my ears. I was standing in line at the CVS waiting to take my passport picture when I heard a man utter words that made me physically open my mouth wide. He was talking to a little girl who appeared to be a second to third grader (7 – 9 years old) .
It seemed he left her waiting in the line and for someone reason she got out of the line or allowed others to get in front of her. When he came back he gave her a tongue lashing that was hurtful. He was loud, he was mean, he was harsh, and he was condescending. The more he screamed insults, the smaller she physically became. I felt so bad for her. I wanted to tell him to stop, I wanted to tell her that he was hurting her and the pain was visible, but instead, I did what everyone else did. I stayed quite.
I get it! I am a Mom. Nie is 21 and Cat is 18. During those 22 years I have encountered a lot of challenging situations. I have been really upset, I have been disappointed, I have been heart broken, however, I have done my BEST not to break NieCat’s Spirit. You see, our words have an impact on our children.
The question are:
What type of impact do you want your words to have on your children?
Do you want to build them up?
Do you want to deem their life light?
As a parental coach, one of the main goals that I assist parents with is to think before they respond to an action or words their children say. Take a minute, feel the feeling your child generate within you, feel the words in your mind, but don’t verbalize them. Take a moment, then, speak!
Think before you speak!
Before you say anything in anger, ask yourself, how would you feel if someone else said those same words to you. How would you feel? How would you feel if your child’s teacher said those words to your child?
Think of your childhood! Then, behave accordingly!
March 2, 2013 in Children, Coaching, Life, Life Coaching, mother, motherhood, Parenting, Truth, Uncategorized, wisdom
Tagged children, Life Coach, Life coaching, Parent coaching, parental coaching, parenthood, parents
As a Parent & Teen Life Coach, I Declare I am a people builder.
I will look for opportunities to
encourage others to bring out the
BEST in them and to help them
accomplish their dreams. I will
speak words of Faith and Victory, affirming
them, approving them, letting them
know they are valued. I will call
out their seeds of greatness, helping
them to rise higher and become all
that GOD created them to be.
This is My Declaration
Coach Arthur – CPC
I Declare 31 promises to Speak Over Your Life By Joel Osteen – Day 23
Posted in Children, Coaching, empowering, God, help, inspiration, Life, Life Coaching, motivation, Parenting, Spiritual, support, Teenagers, Truth, wisdom
Tagged assistance, children, coaching, empowering, empowerment, help, Life, Life Coach, Life coaching, Spiritual, Thoughts, wisdom
We as Parents are so involved in our lives that sometimes we loose our perspective. We feel that just because a situation is going a certain way with our children there is no solution, and that is not the case.
There are times that as parents we have to rely on someone on their outside to assist us in seeing things right! Keep in mind that Our minds, and thoughts determine our experiences!
Believe it or Not!
Consider this situation! By the way, I just made up these names as well as the situation itself, though I am quite sure you can see yourself or someone else in this story!
Tina is a single mother with a lot of family support, she has a son named Jaimito who she LOVES very much, however, she finds herself screaming at him ALL the time. After all, that is the type of environment she grew up in!
Tina solicits the assistance of a Life Coach in order to make lasting changes in her life, world and affairs. Here is the summary of her first session: The first thing Tina needs to do is declare what is her objective, her goal. According to Tina, she wants to stop yelling at Jaimito ALL the time. What Tina needs to do now with the support of her Life Coach, is to change her mind about the situation she finds herself in. Her Life Coach will assists her by asking her questions, these questions are geared to assist Tina in understanding why she yells. By listening to the answers to the Life Coach questions, Tina will be able to come to the realization of why she yells. The line of questioning will also allow the Life Coach to come up with a strategy (vision statement) to allow Tina to change her mind set by influencing her conscious and subconscious mind of the need to change her behavior. Tina goes home with a total mind shift and is this mind shift/change, that allows Tina to see things differently. Now when Jaimito does the same actions which triggered Tina to scream, Tina does not have the need to scream! She has changed her mind about her situation, therefore, her situation has changed!
Tina decided to hire a Life Coach as a strategy in order to stay focus on her goal, knowing that her Life Coach will always be there to empower, motivate, support her and hold her accountable for her actions towards her goal.
In continuing sessions Tina will solidify what she learned in her first session.
January 28, 2013 in assistance, Children, Coaching, empowering, Father, help, Life, Life Coaching, mother, motherhood, motivation, Parenting, support, Truth, Uncategorized
Tagged children, coaching, empowerment, fatherhood, Life Coach, motherhood, parenthood, support, thought
“Consequences are needed in order to create productive adults!”
January 25, 2013 in Children, Coaching, Father, Humor, Laugh, Life, Life Coaching, mother, motherhood, Parenting, Teenagers, Truth, Uncategorized
Tagged children, coaching, consequences, fatherhood, humor, laughs, Life coaching, motherhood
On Saturday, My Sorority (Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc.) had the Honor of hosting the 40 days of Peace Youth Symposium. We had over 300 individuals attend and many of them were young people.
We had a panel of experts speak to the young people. We had a pastor/professor/major of a city in Miami, a Chief of Police for a local community college, a community college professor, a mother who after her child was murdered started RJT Foundation, Inc.
“Women Supporting Families of Murdered Children” (please check out her website: www.rjtfoundation.com), and a pastor.
I listened as intently as I could possibly listen under the stress of thinking that I myself had to go up on stage at the end and also speak. One thing that I heard said time and time again is what I want to share here. I am sharing it because I heard this message over and over again, last week in different venues so I know I MUST share.
The main idea I heard at this symposium for our young people was,that our thoughts create our experiences. There was one young lady who asked how can she who lives in the inner city, who is confronted with violence at every turn, how can she have peace? How can she not retaliate when that is the world she lives in? The answer was the same. Just because you are surrounded by violence, doesn’t mean you have to be part of the violence.
I read this in a blog last week, well, this is my interpretation:
thoughts + feelings = manifestation.
I will ask parents to try this exercise for the next 40 days and reply to this blog to tell me how it worked out for you. Consider this a Life Coaching FREE session: Reflect upon an area in your parental life you will like to change (ie: screaming excessively). Decide to think differently about screaming. Feel the feeling you will have when you are no longer in need to scream at your children. What does you not screaming look like to you? How does it feel like? What do you hear?
I can’t wait to hear from each and everyone of you that read this blog.
By the way, I decided that for the next 40 days I will not loose my Peace when it comes to my children! I am not going to get upset when they are listening to POP That Pandora and sing it, I have no clue on what they are saying and that drives me NUTS! This is day two, so far so good!
Posted in Children, Coaching, Father, Life, Life Coaching, mother, motherhood, Parenting, Truth
Tagged children, fatherhood, Life, Life Coach, Lifestyle, mother, motherhood, parenting, parents, rules, Teenagers, thinking, Thoughts, truth
Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good models more than they need critics.
It’s one of a parent’s greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
– John Wooden
January 8, 2013 in Children, Father, Life, mother, motherhood, Parenting, Teenagers
Tagged children, father, fatherhood, Life, mother, motherhood, parents, role model, teens
Parents: This is how we create productive adults!
January 6, 2013 in Children, Coaching, Father, Life, Life Coaching, mother, motherhood, Parenting, Teenagers, Truth
Tagged children, common sense, father, fatherhood, Life, Lifestyle, mother, motherhood, parents, Teenagers
My youngest daughter (she is the Cat in NieCat) shared a story with me last week that shocked me. She showed me a teenage girl who was very upset with her parents. You see her parents had given her a car. Her issue? the car they gave her was not the car she wanted. Here is the shocker, her parents purchased a LEXUS for her, her gratitude statement towards her parents was: “that is not even the car I wanted!” Well, I guess when Cat shared this story with me, she knew what I was going to say. How did this teenager become so ungrateful? Your parents buy you a car, a LEXUS no less, and the first thing that comes out of your mouth are words of dissatisfaction!!!!!! How does that happen? She was not born being ungrateful, something in her up bringing empowered her to feel as she does.
Here is the lesson for today. When we give our children things without reason or without them earning them, it gives our children a sense of entitlement. That may be cute at first when they are babies and toddlers but as they become teenagers, this will be a serious challenge that the parents are going to have to deal with!
Children MUST earn their keep, said a very wise man who raised 5 children in a Brooklyn apartment in Coney Island! This Great man (My Dad) made sure these children earned everything they had, and I do mean everything. To get allowance we had to do work around the house. I had to iron his shirts and we took turns doing everyone’s laundry downstairs in the laundromat. When we received good grades we got paid for them. We had a contract that specified exactly what our responsibilities were, our rewards as well as our consequences. Earning an A got you the BIG $$$, earning a B was also a good thing, a C earned you about a dollar and there was no way you could have brought a D or an F to 11H (that was the apartment number). The 5 of us are now grown and we all have children of our own. Believe it or not, for some of us, our children have children of their own.
I don’t know about my siblings but NieCat (my girls), understand that if they want something out of me they have to earn it. You have to earn your keep! Even my GrandHon (11 months) is learning that if she wants me to pick her up, she has to crawl towards me. Why you ask? They are only children you say! Why do you have to be so tough? You mention. Well, let us please remember that in this world, you have to earn your keep. You can’t get something for nothing, well, you can but it will probably not turn out good at the end. I wanted my girls to understand that hard work pays off. No one is going to give them a hand out! They must work, and the first job they had was keeping their room clean, that didn’t work very well, but at least they understood that in order to have privileges their room had to pass inspection! Those were the good all days!
Parents, please consider not giving your children EVERYTHING they want. Set goals, and once they achieve those goals, then, they can be rewarded with things.
APPLY THESE RULES TO YOUR PARENTING ARSENAL
January 4, 2013 in Children, Life, Parenting, Teenagers, Uncategorized
Tagged children, happy, Life, Lifestyle, parenting, rules
Being a Mother and an Educator has taught me a very valuable lesson. Well, I have learned many lessons, but I am just going to share one today. In order to develop a strong relationship with our children we MUST be parents of our word.
From the moment my girls were little I only told them our plans when I was 100% sure we were going to do it. hey knew we were going to the movies when I said, hey, let’s go to the movies. If I said they were on punishment, the punishment was carried out. I always kept my word, one situation at a time. This allowed them to become teenagers that knew that when MOM said it, she meant it.
It is important that parents keep their word as we must teach by example. This is what is going to create TRUST. A big word needed in order to foster a positive relationship between parent and and child.