Category Archives: Teenagers

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Ways to avoid loosing it!

Ways to avoid loosing it!

When you know BETTER you do BETTER!
The MOST important job we have as parents does not come with directions. It is no secret that parenting is by far one of the most difficult jobs a parent will encounter. Luckily, nowadays there are may venus and outlets one can utilize to assist with child-rearing!
One of the strategies can be hiring a therapist, looking on line for helpful parenting websites, reading books about parenting or hiring someone like myself, a life coach for parents and teens.
To this end, I am always reading and I found a very interesting article in onetoughjob.org which shared some very interesting strategies for parents who experienced their children pushing their buttons. These are strategies I have recommended to my own clients and they are are worth sharing.

The same child who have brought you joy, love and proud moments can also make you feel as if you are going to loose it, when you experience these moments, there are strategies which will assist in making the situation better or assist in moving forward.
Some strategies to use when you are loosing it:

Forgive Yourself:
If in fact you have lost your temper with your child, please, forgive yourself! That is the first step to fix the problem. Once you have forgiven yourself, then, you can have a conversation with your child and apologize. Verbalize your feelings and admit that you did not handle the situation properly. Believe it or not, this will be a life lesson for your child.

You are not alone:
You are not the first parent who have lost your temper or have worked very hard not to loose your temper. Unfortunately we as a society do not speak about our weakness, but we all have them. You are not the first parent whose child has done something wrong or embarrassing. Do not judge yourself so harshly, Remember, your child is here to go through his/her own journey. Be gently with yourself!

View their actions as a way to communicate:
At times our children do not know how to express their emotions. At times, their actions appear to be bizarre to us, but if you open the lines of communication you will see there is a reason for the behavior. You just need to ask without judgment! Try your BEST to always find out where your child is coming from. Ask a lot of why questions, and be patient enough to wait for the answer.

Seek Support:
There are many parenting groups that will support you through tough times, hiring a Life Coach for parents like myself will also benefit your journey into better parenting. Having someone who can relieve you of your parenting duties while you take a deep breath or go out is also an excellent idea.

Understand your response:
Sometimes it is difficult to stop and count before reacting. Before spanking, yelling, calling your child names, Stop! Stop and think of what is going to happen next. Do a quick self assessment and take a deep breath. Once that angry moment has passed, you will be able to think and speak more clearly. Remember, your intention is NOT to hurt your child’s feelings!

Be on the same page with your Co-Parent:
A child must feel as routines are a way of life. Both parents must demonstrate a united front when it comes to parenting. Your child will see if there are any fragile areas in your parenting and will divide and conquer.

Be consistent:
This is not one of the strategies in the article, but I believe that being consistent will allow you to be a better parent. If you say it, then, you must do it! It is important that your child knows, understands, but most importantly believe that if you say it, you mean it!

If you need someone who will assist you with your parenting skills or your teens’ ability to handle life effectively, email me for a FREE 20 minute Life Coaching session, niecatlifecoach@yahoo.com

Happy Parenting,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Parenting Teens – to be their friend or to be their parent

Parenting Teens -  to be their friend or to be their parent

On Monday, January 6, 2014 I was part of a radio interview in Tallahassee, Florida and Valdosta, Georgia.
I was featured as a Certified Professional Life Coach answering questions about teen parenting, and addressing the question of being a friend to your teens.

Please listen & enjoy!

Click here to listen…

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach

Children MUST have Responsibilities at home!

Children MUST have Responsibilities!

One day before CHRISTmas a lot of us are going crazy shopping and giving our children EVERYTHING they want.

How do I feel about this practice?
I feel parents my age from 40 to 55 tried too hard to please our children, including me. You see, we we wanted to give our children what we did not have, and what we have done is created a generation who feel they deserve everything they want. At first it was cute, but now that our children are becoming young adults we are seeing that perhaps this was not such a good idea.

Our children need responsibilities and they need discipline, and it is not too late. They MUST earn what they receive from us parents just as we earned everything we wanted and needed as we grew up in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s.

I have a lot of clients that do not like me saying this, but the reason why our young adults are the way they are is because of us. If your children are not 18 – 30, and you are having a hard time getting them out of your house, you are still supporting them after they finished college, if you are still giving them allowance, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
The beauty of it is that is not too late!
You can decide in 2014 to allow them to take responsibility for their own lives!
They have to be responsible for the actions and the consequences their actions create!
We MUST stop bailing them out!

Choosing differently,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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What are you saying?

What are you saying?

What are you saying to your children?
What type of words are you using when you are speaking to them?

My Dearest Father taught me many lessons in life. there are two very important lessons which helped me parent effectively. The first lesson he taught me was how to speak to my children. I lived with my Dad and my Step-Mother from the time I was 12 years old until the time I left to college at 18. In ALL those years living in Brooklyn, New York I NEVER, EVER heard my Dad say a bad word, NEVER! No matter how angry he was (I really don’t remember My Dad being angry to be honest with you), he never cursed, and he definitely never used bad words when speaking to my step-brother, step-sisters or myself never.

The second lesson I learned from my Dad is NEVER to speak negatively to my children’s dreams. No matter what I told him he never put the idea down and he never criticized the idea. He did have a lot of wisdom and shared the pros and the cons about my ideas, but ultimately I made the decisions.

When we speak to our children, there is no need to use bad words, there is no need to put our children down.

Be kind to your children, remember, The manner in which you are speaking to your children is teaching them a couple of things, they are learning from you how to treat others, how to speak to others, and how worthy they are but most importantly, they are learning from you how to be parents one day!

Happy Parenting,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Our Children came from us but they are not us!

Our Children came from us but they are not us!

Don’t cut your child’s wings because of your dreams and aspirations. Your dreams are yours. Their dreams are theirs! As parents we are here to Guide, Cultivate & Support their dreams!

The Late Rev. Dr. Mary A. Tumpkin taught me many things during the 20 years that she was my Spiritual Teacher. One of the lessons that I received, and understood without much studying was: My two girls, Nie and Cat came from me but they are not mine. GOD sent them here for a reason; GOD put within them EVERYTHING they needed in order to fulfill their Destiny. GOD has a plan for them and I have no right to tell them who they should become.

I guided them into activities and they selected the activities which made their Hearts soar. Nie is an actress by birth. Is in her blood, and though a lot of people would disagree with their child following an acting career, my thought was, that is what makes her happy.

Cat is a speaker, a writer, a spinner. She might be a lawyer, she might be a writer, she might be a journalist, she might be an activist, she might even be a Politian. These are things I see in her, but never will I influence her (only guide) on who she will be in life.

Parents, it is not our job to divert our children’s dreams. Our job is to guide them, to show them their options, and ultimately, only our children can make that the decision.

Parenting with Wisdom,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Listen to your child speak.

Listen to your child speak.

Being a school administrator gives me a GREAT opportunity to listen to what happens in others’ households.

I am tickled pink to hear children tell exactly what happens at home as I notice the discomfort of parents as they know that what they are hearing is inappropriate but TRUE!

Parents, if you think that what you are doing, saying or the way you are acting in front of your children would make you feel embarrassed if others hear you, or are told the story by your children, then, please, consider not doing it, saying it or acting in that manner.

Your children are learning from you!

Gone are the days that you can say to your child:
“Do as I say and not as I do!”
That command worked on us, but it will not work on our children!

You are your child’s first role model!

Working at being an example,
Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Happiness starts within!

Happiness starts within!

I make Me Happy, he just makes Me Happier!
However, I make Myself Happy First!
Catiana Maria Shiver (The Cat in NieCat)

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com