Category Archives: Teenagers

Children MUST have Responsibilities at home!

Children MUST have Responsibilities!

One day before CHRISTmas a lot of us are going crazy shopping and giving our children EVERYTHING they want.

How do I feel about this practice?
I feel parents my age from 40 to 55 tried too hard to please our children, including me. You see, we we wanted to give our children what we did not have, and what we have done is created a generation who feel they deserve everything they want. At first it was cute, but now that our children are becoming young adults we are seeing that perhaps this was not such a good idea.

Our children need responsibilities and they need discipline, and it is not too late. They MUST earn what they receive from us parents just as we earned everything we wanted and needed as we grew up in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s.

I have a lot of clients that do not like me saying this, but the reason why our young adults are the way they are is because of us. If your children are not 18 – 30, and you are having a hard time getting them out of your house, you are still supporting them after they finished college, if you are still giving them allowance, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
The beauty of it is that is not too late!
You can decide in 2014 to allow them to take responsibility for their own lives!
They have to be responsible for the actions and the consequences their actions create!
We MUST stop bailing them out!

Choosing differently,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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What are you saying?

What are you saying?

What are you saying to your children?
What type of words are you using when you are speaking to them?

My Dearest Father taught me many lessons in life. there are two very important lessons which helped me parent effectively. The first lesson he taught me was how to speak to my children. I lived with my Dad and my Step-Mother from the time I was 12 years old until the time I left to college at 18. In ALL those years living in Brooklyn, New York I NEVER, EVER heard my Dad say a bad word, NEVER! No matter how angry he was (I really don’t remember My Dad being angry to be honest with you), he never cursed, and he definitely never used bad words when speaking to my step-brother, step-sisters or myself never.

The second lesson I learned from my Dad is NEVER to speak negatively to my children’s dreams. No matter what I told him he never put the idea down and he never criticized the idea. He did have a lot of wisdom and shared the pros and the cons about my ideas, but ultimately I made the decisions.

When we speak to our children, there is no need to use bad words, there is no need to put our children down.

Be kind to your children, remember, The manner in which you are speaking to your children is teaching them a couple of things, they are learning from you how to treat others, how to speak to others, and how worthy they are but most importantly, they are learning from you how to be parents one day!

Happy Parenting,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Our Children came from us but they are not us!

Our Children came from us but they are not us!

Don’t cut your child’s wings because of your dreams and aspirations. Your dreams are yours. Their dreams are theirs! As parents we are here to Guide, Cultivate & Support their dreams!

The Late Rev. Dr. Mary A. Tumpkin taught me many things during the 20 years that she was my Spiritual Teacher. One of the lessons that I received, and understood without much studying was: My two girls, Nie and Cat came from me but they are not mine. GOD sent them here for a reason; GOD put within them EVERYTHING they needed in order to fulfill their Destiny. GOD has a plan for them and I have no right to tell them who they should become.

I guided them into activities and they selected the activities which made their Hearts soar. Nie is an actress by birth. Is in her blood, and though a lot of people would disagree with their child following an acting career, my thought was, that is what makes her happy.

Cat is a speaker, a writer, a spinner. She might be a lawyer, she might be a writer, she might be a journalist, she might be an activist, she might even be a Politian. These are things I see in her, but never will I influence her (only guide) on who she will be in life.

Parents, it is not our job to divert our children’s dreams. Our job is to guide them, to show them their options, and ultimately, only our children can make that the decision.

Parenting with Wisdom,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Listen to your child speak.

Listen to your child speak.

Being a school administrator gives me a GREAT opportunity to listen to what happens in others’ households.

I am tickled pink to hear children tell exactly what happens at home as I notice the discomfort of parents as they know that what they are hearing is inappropriate but TRUE!

Parents, if you think that what you are doing, saying or the way you are acting in front of your children would make you feel embarrassed if others hear you, or are told the story by your children, then, please, consider not doing it, saying it or acting in that manner.

Your children are learning from you!

Gone are the days that you can say to your child:
“Do as I say and not as I do!”
That command worked on us, but it will not work on our children!

You are your child’s first role model!

Working at being an example,
Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Happiness starts within!

Happiness starts within!

I make Me Happy, he just makes Me Happier!
However, I make Myself Happy First!
Catiana Maria Shiver (The Cat in NieCat)

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Your “I Am” becomes Your Children’s “I Am”

I believe that what we call ourselves has a direct correlation on what we call our children!”

As an educator for the last 25 years I have come across many children who had very low self-esteem. Once I met their parents I realized that there was a direct correlation on how parents view themselves and how they view their children.

Most parents want more for their children than what they have experienced in their lives. There is however, a vital ingredient that some parents miss. Our children listen to us very carefully; when our children are toddlers they learn to speak by the words we use. What we attach to “I Am” becomes what our children will learn. When we say, I Am sick, I Am broke, I Am tired, those are the beginning of our children’s road map to who they are.

We need to choose differently! We need to add positive words to our “I Am.” We are doing this for our children and for ourselves. I am Victorious, I am Faithful, I am Peaceful, I Am Honest, I Am GOD in action, I am wise with my money, I am happy, I am LOVED, I am appreciated, I am right where I need to be. When our children hear those types of words attached to our I Am, they have no choice than to imitate these words.

When we speak to our children, we MUST never say bad words. Yes, I know life gets in the way and life becomes a challenge, but life is a one day at a time journey, one moment at a time. There is no need to curse at our children. That goes against the reason why they are here. Our children are here so that we can assists them in becoming the BEST they can be. That is our duty.

Do not call your children names! Treat your children as the biblical characters treated their children. We are to Bless our children! We are to Bestowed our GREAT words and ideas upon our children.

Having children is one of the Biggest Blessings GOD has Bestowed upon us. We MUST make sure we raise our children with respect, LOVE and a BIG dose of Self-Esteem.

Parenting is a Blessing,
Coach Arthur
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Your Teenager Is Here to Teach You Lessons in Life: Lesson # 4

Your Teenager Is Here to Teach You Lessons in Life: Lesson # 4

Teens live in a state of Drama!

The first blog I wrote I named it “Adults forgetting their teenage years.” I want to refer to this article as we explore the 4th lesson our Teens teach us. Often time we become successful adults and totally forget what we said, did, listened and experience when we were 13 – 19. Please think of those days as you read this lesson.

Many times our Teens come to us to tell us their saga, the first responses we murmur sound something like this: “that is nothing!” “don’t worry about it,” “that is nothing to worry about,” “leave those friends alone.” “you are better than him/her, forget them,” These and other responses we give our Teens really discourage them.

If you remember correctly part of being a Teen is feeling things intensely, in other words what you may seem like no big deal to you is hugely important to your Teen. If you continue disregarding their feelings, they will stop talking to you and that is the one thing you DO NOT want!

I often tell parents who I coach to remember that they MUST listen to their Teens challenges intensely. Remember that they are feeling their feelings, they are honoring their feelings and you MUST do the same. You should feel Blessed that your Teen is sharing with you, please do not destroy this trust!
How would you feel if you called your best friend to say you were loosing your home to foreclosure and your friend dismissed you and told you not to worry, then, your friend proceeds to tell you that your issue is silly and it will go away! How would that make you feel?

When your Teen comes to you with their challenges/problems/drama here are some suggestions:
1.Listen
2. Do not give advice.
3. Do not put their friends down.
4. Do not dismiss or minimize their problem!
5. Listen
6 Sympathize
7. Look at the situation as you were a teenager.

If you need guidance in traveling the teenage world, don’t hesitate to email me, niecatlifecoaching@yahoo.com for a FREE 30 minute Parent Life Coaching session.

Happy Navigating the teen world,

Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Our Children need Our Time!

Our Children need Our Time!

We are all busy, and our jobs take us away from our families more than we care to share. We MUST make the decision to make our Children Our Priority when it comes to our time.

It is a challenge being a school administrator, a life coach and a Mom/Abuelita (GrandMom). Sometimes when I get home ALL I want to do is lay down and take a nap, however, I know that 1990 and 1994 seem like it was just yesterday and my girls are young women now. This all happened very quickly, but I am grateful that I h ad the Wisdom to make times for My Girls.

We MUST find time to spend with Our Children, what I do? Well, Honestly, it was not my idea, it just so happened this suggestion comes from the fact that My Girls ALWAYS followed me around when I got home. The Girls use to and still do lay in my bed as I am resting. We are talking, and sharing and I am resting! The BEST of both worlds.

Choose to find a way to spend time with Your Children regardless of what your day looks like.
Suggestion:
1. Have a game night.
2. Have a conversation hour while you cook, rest, use the bathroom (this happens to me ALL the time), or do your house chores.
3. Use driving time as sharing time.

The idea is to make your children KNOW that you really care and you will find time for Them!

Happy time sharing,
Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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The three C’s of Discipline

The three C's of Discipline

According to the Personal Parenting Coaching website, there are three C’s to Discipline.
According to Webster’s dictionary, the definition of discipline is: training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character. As much as we would prefer not to discipline our children, the TRUTH of the matter is that it is our Duty as Parents to Discipline our Children. If we CHOOSE not to Discipline them we are not in compliance with our Duties as parents. Disciplining our Children is not fun, I get it but if you want to have adults that are going to be good citizens and contributors to our Society as a whole Discipline is a MUST!

The personal Parenting Coaching website suggests the three C’s to discipline are:
Be CALM
Be CLEAR
Be CONFIDENT

As challenging as it is, when NieCat do not clean the kitchen after I ask them to do so, and I wake up in the morning with dishes in the sink; Yes, I MUST remain CALM! The idea here is to make sure your Children are well aware that you are NOT pleased about the behavior. Yelling and screaming does not allow you to think about the situation. Staying calm will allow you to think clearly, keep track of what you are thinking and most importantly, watch your words as you are expressing them.

Explain to Your Children why you are not pleased with their behavior. There is no need to attack your Child’s person. You are not pleased with the behavior. Concentrate on the behavior and you will have less to worry about when the entire situation is finished but not forgotten. Use CLEAR words to explain to your Child why the specific behavior was not pleasing to you. Explain CLEARLY what your expectations are and what would the consequences be if the behavior occurs again. Best bet, “keep it simple!”

You are the parent!
GOD Blessed you with this task!
You are the bread Winner!
You are the Boss in Your Home!
You pay the bills!
You make the rules and your rules MUST be followed!
You MUST make these ideas part of your consciousness! Make them into affirmations! This mind set allows you to have confidence in disciplining your Children!

If you want to learn how to discipline your children using the three “C’s,” email me for a FREE 20 minute Life Coaching Session, http://www.niecatlifecoach@yahoo.com

Happy Disciplining,
Coach Arthur
Certified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com

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Say YES to Your Teenager!

Say YES to Your Teenager!

I read a very interesting article in “One Tough Job.org” which shared guidelines on having a GREAT relationship with your teenager. I found the article very interesting and the strategies are ones that I have actually used during my parent life coaching sessions, so I wanted to share it with my readers.

Out of the gate, I must say that raising teens is an adventure that is manageable if you arm yourself with the proper tools.

It might look like your teen is not interested in what you are doing and specially what you are saying, but the TRUTH of the matter is that our teens need us now more than ever. Yes, they are busy and at this time in their lives their friends mean a lot to them, but remember, you are the parent, you have been there from the beginning of their time. Choosing to spend time with your teen and LISTENING without JUDGMENT is paramount. I don’t know how you feel about what you just read, you may need to take a deep breath because LISTENING & NON JUDGMENT is the key to a POSITIVE relationship with your teen.

There are 4 suggestions the article features to have a more positive relationship with your teen: Be actively interested in your teen’s life, Talk with your teen, not at them, Share things with your teen and Schedule in family time.

Be actively interested in your teen’s life – I heard a strategy that Our First Lady Michelle Obama uses with her girls and I immediately began using this strategy with mine girls. On the ride back from school I asked two questions, Share a rose with me from today’s experience and share a thorn with me from today’s experience. I found that when Cat got in the car, she was ready to share. In about 5 minutes I was able to gauge the type of day she had and she was happy to share. Become the Mom to their group. I was a Drama Mom, a Color Guard Mom, a Super Star Mom, whatever the girls were involved in, there I was in the mix of things. Some of their friends actually called me a cool Mom. I was the Mom giving rides to their friends whose parents were to busy to pick them up from whatever activities they were having. Needless to say NieCat were physically not happy about this, but I knew in their Hearts they appreciated me being there! Well, at least that is how I am telling the story! 🙂

Talk with your teen, not at them – I go back to one of my first blog post ever. Please remember what it was like being a teen! Stop preaching! When ALL you do is preach, your teen will tune you out. Have a discussion! LISTEN! Listen to what your teen says and actually give it some thought! Listen!

Share things with your teen – Share your past experiences. Let your teen know you were a teen once. My Girls use to LOVE to hear that I got in trouble with GrandPaPa! That would be the highlight of our conversations. Share what is going on right now with them. Explain to them why at this time you may not be able to pay for that $500 ring. Tell the TRUTH. They can handle it, and they will know you are Human! Sometimes our teens think we are not from this world!

Schedule in family time – The time you are experiencing now with your teen will NEVER come back! Choose to make time for your teens. Sometimes when I come home from a crazy day as a school administrator I have nothing else to give the world, so I invite the girls to my room (actually they just follow me to my room) and we all lay in my bed and talk. I am resting my body and my brain, I am listening to my Girls and that is considered family time! Visit them in their room, at your own Risk that is! Don’t criticize how junky and smelly their room is (I must work on this one), just be, see where the conversation leads you!

Our teens are enjoying a very challenging stage, as parents we MUST choose to do parenting differently to achieve teen parenting success!

Happy Teen Parenting,
Coach Arthur, Cerfified Professional Life Coach
http://www.niecatlifecoaching.com